The Perfect Actor

I said: It’s amazing. Amazing and stupendous in all conceivable aspects, the reason we were created for. It is said with worship that, God created us. God is Supreme. God has all powers. He can be magical. He can be kind. He can bless. He can punish. He creates. He destroys. He is here. He is there. He is everywhere.
All we are supposed to do is to obey his commands. Obey rules. Obey others when they feel we are ‘wrong’ or detest our ‘self’, when we feel only personally, something as ‘right’. We are right if we believe in God (says one). We are right if we don’t believe in something (says another). Who amongst both these factions have seen this so called “GOD” in a true form?
If, by any chance he does exist, then why are we supposed to go through all these things that he sees as petty mundane matters of existence, without knowing where we may or what we may do erroneously? Anything and everything is relative to each other. Actions are relative to thoughts. Thoughts relative to words. Words are relative to thoughts and thoughts relative to actions. That’s back to square one. So in essence, its like saying A=B and B=C and hence A=C, though we have learnt that A can never be B nor can B be C, because they are alphabets and they are singular identities. Imagine using A instead of B or B instead of C. Just because of all these relative theories and what we jus went through, a Bat would be a Cat and a Call would be a Ball. So if you need to play cricket or baseball, – which could also be called ‘bricket’ or ‘caseball’- all that you have to do is throw a call to a cat. But we do know that we can never ‘throw’ a call to a cat. So then how do we play what we want to? Impossible.

We started with a question of what a lie is, about god, about what we are expected to do, to perform. Now what did we talk and what did we understand? Irrespective of the ideas expressed, we should note that it is the so called GOD who made us have an argument about A, B and C, and how they are related and how they are not. So, is he worth enough to be revered? We tried to question certain doubts and how have we been answered? Phew, respectable! That’s why I titled this essay, The Perfect Actor.

He said: I am an Actor. The owner of any action is an actor. Everything is relative to what we see or what we hear or what we feel. Some say those who worship the so called devil are terrible – for instance the band of Enigma is seen as a satanic worshipper, is it not? – or those who see god in a different form are by far, more appalling. Those, whom You accuse, believe you are the ones who are wrong. So who is right? You? The accused? The Devil is not my opposite. It is my absence. But is there anyplace, - somewhere - where I am absent? No. Darkness is not absence of light. It is just the absence of intensity of light. So is there a devil? Is there a Satan? Don’t worry, there is. It is me. I am both and I am one. That is what relativity is all about. Your left hand would be your right hand if you judge that by looking onto a mirror. You call me an actor, a perfect actor. Here too, it is relative to perfection that you have given me the title. But there is also imperfection and every imperfection is also me, because if there was no imperfection, would there be perfection? What you just now went through, asking questions and relating it with the theory of relativity is not stupid and really funny because I see it from your viewpoint. It is also stupid and funny and crazy because I see it from the perspectives of all others. So if you believe that you may be made fun of, don’t worry because they don’t have the strength to see from a different perspective. Don’t you remember what you understood from the book Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch? Now, rest your body. We will talk in your dreams, for through dreams a lot can be said without the body getting exhausted, as an exhausted body would drain an active mind of all its strength.

Letter to God

Dear Mr. God,

This mail may have traveled the seven seas and passed the seven continents and have somehow found you reading it, though I still don’t know which seven seas and seven continents it passed. Jokes apart, let me tell you that it was with great interest that I went through CwG 1 and is now going through CwG 2. The reason I thought of writing to you is not, for just supporting your idea of sharing your conversations with Neale to all people, but for bringing to your knowledge something that may really make you blow your fuse.

To tell the truth, I have also started talking to You. I hear from me what I knew. I hear from within me answers to questions that even respectful elders would never have given a 24 yr old kid like me. I am not a Christian, nor a Moslem, a Buddhist nor a Jew. By birth, I am a Hindu, form India. But I don’t believe in the discrepancies that these “damn” religions nurse. I call them the Greatest Lie. Sorry for being a bit too sharp in expressing myself, but I really get agitated when discussing the term ‘religion’. I always try to find common areas that each religion nurtures. The first such similarity I found is God. I found You.

Now after a lot of conversations, which I have written down like keeping a diary, I started a Blog on the net in which I have added my personal experiences with ‘the uncommon dialogue’ as Neale has aptly put it as. This is what I feel might be a reason for you to flare up. I am aware of the rules like piracy, infringement of patents act etc, etc etc. So, I thought I would just about bring to your notice that I have conjured up something that is similar to Neale’s publication. Let me assure you that I have in no way brought harm or shame to his work. My blog address is www.conversethoughts.blogspot.com. You may please go through it for verification and if you still feel that I have made a mistake pardon this 24 year old ‘crook’ and then please let me know. I will make sure that I delete the blog totally. And just for your information, the ‘Neale’ that I repeatedly mention is Neale Donald Walsch who wrote Conversations with God (CwG).

Thank you,

Ajay J Nayar

MLR 102,
Sasthamangalam
Trivandrum
India

ajayjnair@gmail.com

P.S: Please tell me if I should let Neale know about this doubt of mine, and also about my conversations with you and also this letter to you, God...?? You could reply to the email id i have added along with my address above.

Ten Commandments

I despise this picture, though I should not forget to state that it is the first 4 statements that I despise in particular. The certain deductions that are seen at many places, as the picture portrays, are very derogatory, very insulting to the actual idea that the commandments express. The meaning as shown by this picture is NOT what I realized when I read the 10 commandments. I am not a Christian, nor do I believe in criticizing the followers, but it is what I believe, that I have written down. s. Initially it had me wondering about the truth. I asked God. He said.."The first few commandments are what are seen totally skewed."

The following is actually my conversations with god. The underlined ones is God's statement and the normal ones are mine. Read through.

Thou shalt have no other gods before me: I am god; the supreme; the creator. Everything and all were created by me. There was nothing before me. I am the origin, the source, the beginning, the starting point of everything. This statement does not mean, or try to bring difference between religions, with the intent that the god of Christianity, or that of the Jews or that of the Moslems are alone who are Gods.

Thou shalt make unto thee any graven image: Imagine me as with any grave form as that arises in your mind. It is left to the discretion of your minds. If you see me as light or if you see me as darkness, I am still God. I can form before you in any shape or size, any imaginable form, be it congruent or not. I am anything. This has been found to be in constant use to condemn the belief of a lot who perceive God in a lot of different ways and in many different6 forms, like that of a Hindu, or any pagan follower.

Thou shalt not take the name of the lord, thy god in vain: Take my name, irrespective of your belief with fervor and in total assurance, for I do not but bless. You will never find it is in vain that you prayed for, for I am your actions and the results and whatever the results be, it is the best for you. This helps us to believe in god without ever doubting him, whatever form that we believe, it still is God.

Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy: Remember me on a day, to respect me and my creations, to thank me and thank my creations, for all the present past and future. It is I who created, creates and will create. So for you let all days be holy. Let all day be the Sabbath day. This phrase only guides us to be thankful of what we see and experience. It tells us to revere being existent. It does not say only a single day is holy. It teaches us to take every day as a blessing.

Honour thy father and mother: Respect your father and mother. For they created you. So for you they are Gods. Respect and revere them. Only then what you have, will you radiate. This tells you that only if you honour them, would it be able for you to attain characters that are to be exhibited to others around.

Thou shalt not kill: You may not kill anything, for it is I who created and I alone who ends the existence. But I alone would make you do it, and it may not bring you any gain. You may not kill any character that you have, for such are their worth that I alone understand. These are qualities to be expressed based on our existence among a society, and so are those mentioned so forth.

Thou shalt not commit adultery: You may not bring to shame the meaning of love. It is divinity. It is holiness. Respect that, for that itself is eternal service in my name, for if spoken to me through hearts, better can I hear and respond. This brings to our understanding that when loving someone or something, be it a man or a woman or an idea or a duty, and do so with the utmost purpose and passion. Do not love a person with someone else in mind. Do not love an idea with something else in mind. That is adultery.

Thou shalt not steal: Nothing is yours, nor is anything to be yours, because everything is yours and everything that was and everything that is to be, is yours. So there is no necessity to steal. This makes it clear that such a character is not worthy, because all that we own and all that we try to attain are only that which we may hug for the period of our existence that we call life. After that it is for someone else. So it has already been stolen from you, if you see it with a ‘distant eye’.

Thou shalt bear false witnesses: You may not for your interest lie. You may not for your interest believe what you did was wrong. You may not bear untruth on you for incriminating others in front of others. For if you do so you are pushing yourself away from what is true. This lets us take corrective measures, whether in respect of what you see in others or that which you see as in conflict with your deductions, so that we may get the positive result that brings us the good.

Thou shalt not covet: You may not covet, or desire that which is not yours. You may not even desire what your friend or foe has, even if it is just an idea. For you, your birth may be to convey a different message. Learn to live with these and you will find that you have certain things that others don’t. This rule is very self explanatory, telling us to understand us and find our purpose. If you think failing to follow this rule is ‘OK’, then in reality you are breaking all the above rules.

A Question of Love

Oh God,is love not the truth of everything? Is true love, in all meanings interpreted the pinnacle of all specific emotions, pertaining to what is or was achieved? Does it not have both metaphysical as well as very empirical definitions which those who search would find totally in congruence?

Am I also in search for the definition of love? Love between two individuals - a lady and a man? Is it by all means necessary, that both of them should be from a totally different environment? Can two, living under the same roof not be in love? Can someone who has lived with each other for a couple of decades be in love with each other? Does love have only one meaning? One definite reason that being purely sensual? Is what you feel towards your sibling based on such a perception? So if you love your sibling, is it blasphemy of human existence? Is it profanity of natural laws? Is it not divinity personified? Then why, have i never seen people love so, with utter ease? Why have I not seen such an expression for the past years of life? Why never at the least a literary manifestation which has embalmed in itself, such a truth? Are these doubts representing a death of sanity in my soul?

Why do I love my sister much more than I love myself? Why do I think of her more than I do of others in my life? Is it a try of my psyche to balance her with whom I lost? Why do I not find in her faults or defects similar to those many speak about their siblings? Why am I so very blind and dumb and deaf when thinking about her? Why is it that I know I can confide in her most obscene of my secrets without fear of rebuke? Why is it that I know that I wouldn’t feel bad, nor hungry, nor desirous of her feminity, just because she is a woman? Why do I know that she also feels the same in return? Why do I know that she feels safe within my grasp?

And god answered: “That is love. Not just love, but Divine love.

Hear this, for the beauty of a day lies on the decision you take, your willingness to forgive those who offend you, your desire to tolerate one another and giving peace a chance, and your ability to hold back your anger even when it is imperative to burst out. Those who seek peace will find harmony; those who seek wealth will find riches; but those who seek Love will find everything. So choose right. For on the canvas of eternity, I draw with the colour of love”.

I would like to be God

I would like to be god. Or rather at least be respected and venerated by the civic and looked upon with the same kind of moral fiber they show to a deity and a spirit. I would like to live, with everyone praying for my blessings and then serving me perpetually. But now I believe that god himself might be getting frustrated suspecting a competition from me. Excuse my self-assuring statements God, but I do personally believe that I have all the indispensable qualities of divine subsistence. Please, let me give all the proof relating to my assurance of such a proposal, before you turn against me.
Evaluating and regarding your hegemony, starting with the visit to a highly venerated temple, I personally found out that all you need to do is to sit inside the serene temple room. There are people to bathe you, to clean you; to cook and serve food for you; to spend for all the things done, by hard exertion and making sacrifices; there are those irrespective of sex, age or physical strife who en-queue in the front of a piece of stone they deem as GOD; there are certain others who make big tumult in your name, at least in support, and thus try to make you much more famous than you are now. And what do u get… everything….and we…nothing. Pretty profitable for you, is it not?
But now answer me. Give me a lucid but definitive answer to these questions. 1. Please make it clear whether any person in particular knows who you are exactly…I do not, for a starter. And so do I suspect all the other living humans would be. No don’t give me your name. I am not interested. 2. Tell me what you are? Human…? Animal…? or really, just a piece of stone? 3. Give me proof of your sex. 4. whether male or female… or none? Ok, then at least give me a vision of your physique. What do you wear, still the attire of an age past many thousand years? Don’t you observe fashion up gradation? Try the channels like fTV and Trendz, you would be educated. Do you still fight with a bow and arrow? Try the nuke buddy. My god, you know nothing…naaa, I guess I should say…’‘My myself’…that’s because now I know that I am more educated than you are. So I believe you owe me that position, the one that you are enjoying right now. Come on chum; don’t tell me you are unaware of the retirement benefits you are at a liberty to avail. Even if you are below age of retirement-- which exactly is what I thought you would state-- do try VRS………
So much that we don’t know… and yet we consider you as a supreme authority over everything, and that too just when I tried to make a sketch of your appearance…so I guess its totally foolish to try making a character evaluation. Even though the books tell that you are this and you are that how do I believe something written about SOMEONE whom I consider strange?
But it is imperative, to register certain other facts, which have helped or rather hampered the whole of the world. Why have your name been hauled up along with an effort for political upheaval? If you are so strong as is been written why was it you never ever tried to put a full stop to such activities? You tried to erase me, why was that, then. Aha…I now get a faint idea of the lorry driver . It was you… I am going to register a case against you somewhere. But I don’t remember whether you were a Moslem, Christian, or some Hindu…OK…leave that now, but why 9/11, or the war of Iraq? Why all the deaths…
But it is imperative, to register certain other facts, which have helped or rather hampered the whole of the world. Why have your name been hauled up along with an effort for political upheaval? If you are so strong as is been written why was it you never ever tried to put a full stop to such activities? You tried to erase me, why was that, then. Aha…I now get a faint idea of that lorry driver. It was you… I am going to register a case against you somewhere. But I don’t remember whether you were a moslem, Christian, or some Hindu … OK…. Lets leave that now, but why 9/11, or the war of Iraq? Why all the deaths… NOW… tell me your name. Mohammed, Jesus, or Vishnu… why such minutiae in naming, at different places? And why all the discrepancies of brotherhood between the three? Or tell me are you three brothers trying to get the helm? Forsake greed … let ME in. I am already under support and care of one amongst you … I am not naming who… but, then is it not the same for all the billions of humans? Why is that each person is protected and cared for by only one amongst you?
I guess you are not experienced, or rather not competent enough. I can be a difference…. I’ll name myself. I am a male... with a specific name, I am human, I am known at least by more than one for sure, and I will also put a name for the religion that is followed by all. Remember the questions I asked you earlier… See, I have answers… Am I better than you? I guess so……………………………………….

watching the wheels go by..

The Idea..

Never have I, in my life spent so airily, over the past quarter century, ever received a proper answer to questions that have been aired by my psychic as well as emotional senses. I would like to be erased of all doubts that linger in me.

‘Experiences’, which a cliché tp the hoi polloi, were to me a set of bizarre debacles, after which I go a certain leg with which I steady myself on certain stages, and then started questioning with agony. Still, I stood helpless. Those who taught me words and those who taught me all other things, were just helpless on lookers.

But now, with abhorrence to all truths that I have so far learned or been exposed to, I have started to speak to God, searching in him answers to all my doubts; Surprisingly I have found answers to all doubts and get answers that contain enlightenment, truth and love. And it was always from inside me. Never trample upon your inner voice. That is God.

Try it out, and check whether your questions are answered. Talk to yourself, you will answer to you. But understand your voice.

So I thought that I would share this with you. I don’t care whether you do read this whole thing or don’t, but I will continue to post entries.